It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
