His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
