My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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