i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
