That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
