I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
