It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
