I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
