Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
