My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
