Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
