Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
