if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
