I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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