I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
