Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just cropdusted the office
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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