You can't motorboat a personality
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't deserve a penis
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
