This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
