Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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