I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
