i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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