Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
