I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
