your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
