i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
