Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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