here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
