Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
