If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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