google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
