put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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