Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
