something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
