no, he came in my armpit
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
