THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
