wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
