My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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