Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
