Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
