I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I am morally bankrupt
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
