Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
