Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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