Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
