I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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