Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
