So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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