Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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