She is in my trunk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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