no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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