Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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