i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
