I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
