Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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