I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
